September 27, 2005 - 7:33 p.m.
This day has slowly gone to shit.
I am currently sitting in front of my puter with glass of red and a numb face...
The irony is making me cry. That and the fact it would be a simple shame to allow a nice bottle to drool down my favorite Beatie's t-shirt.
After an excrutiating day in the Box, I had to literaly haul enormous ass to my daughter's preschool, swoop her up with my motherly wings, put her on vehicular lock-down, and then proceed to explain to her that "when your late for a dentist appoinment, it's not considered speeding. I believe the technical term is 'Doctorala Pisstoffissus'."
I then park her in a little chair in the corner while I lay on 'the Chair'. The dentist proceeds to explain all of my faults as I lay there mouth agape laughing & hocking bits of spittle at his mask. I have now been informed that after 12 years with a tounge ring I am at risk of chipped teeth, swallowing said decoration and some type of death defying metalic infections that make your face turn inside out & kill you in your sleep.
THEN, I hear a phenominal story of a boy (19) who decided he would like to be the proud owner of a lizard tounge....
This kid took a piece of dental floss and put it throught the hole of his piercing and over several weeks sawed towards the front of his mouth with said 'split tounge effect' in mind. Once he decided that this was just absurd, he said fuck it & finished his masterpiece with an exacto knife.
This in mind, he is filling a small cavity in my mouth that I was unaware of when I entered Dr. Shivago's office of Doom.
I am now awaiting the effect to wear off. I couldn't eat my mush for supper, I am starving, I can't swallow, I'm constanly wiping drool that isn't there and alright, I'm out of bitch's.
On a lighter note, I have to tell you that donnot have the pleasure of children that simply listeneing to a child amuse themselves has become my new pastime. Little V has had entire conversations with toys, the cats and people who just aren't there. She is a fucking riot lately. She is teacher, (Kindergarten) a horse trainer, (moi) and now apparently she speaks her own brand of fluent Spanish. The latter is my personal favorite.
I have come to be known as the Great Mammacinatina-kerblah-hoolahh-kikididoo.
Again, I love my life. And all of you.
Hugs & Kisses,
Doogie Houser, M.D.
(Don't ask)
