August 24, 2005 - 9:18 p.m.
I would like to open my brain for a second & let you in on what's a brewin'. I try very hard to figure out what is best in most situations, for right now, it's gonna be boys... Why do you suppose people dress the way they do? Everyone has an opinion on what everyone else does & says. At the same time, we're all at fault for being a critic.
I can't talk, I look at men according to what they have on.
If a guy is wearing a clean, well taken care of pair of new Nike's, I would snub him to a man in Adidas... That's kinda bogus... What if the cat in the Nike's was fucking brilliant & loaded to boot?? I look at men according to what I like for myself. Hence, I am a dumbass. I can't help it. It's been built into me. Say a man is wearing a ballcap at a club. That says automatic 'no'. WHY the fuck couldn't he do his shit for an evening out? I have to.
If we all technically 'put on air's' for those around us on a daily basis, when do we actually get to be 'ourselves'??
If we have to put up a front & be the best us always, who is going to love who we really are? When do we get to spit & fart & snort when we laugh?? This is where I come in. I have learned through my few years here, that if you are not yourself right off the bat, you will be snubbed later on when you have both developed the idea of feelings.
There is no better feeling (as far as I'm concerned), than being able to spend a chill night on the sofa with someone who likes the same old-ass movies or music or whatever. Where is this ideal coming from you ask? Who knows. My girl Jenna is moving to be with her man because they have some of this goodness.
I say congratufuckinglations...
If you are not scared of being comfortable with someone, then you are real... And so are they. God forbid we enjoy some of the ever-excrutiating bullshit hand we're dealt.
Like right now.... my butt cheek is fucking killing me from softball... But who can I tell to rub it without it being wierd??
No one.
What the crap..
I need a vacation before I snap off & wig out.
BTW, VERONICA STARTED KINDERGARTEN TODAY... She rocks so hard...
We came home tonight & she got out of the tub right? I ask her if she'd like some jammies..
"No thanks Mom.."
"OK, be right there to help you get ready.."
"K Mom."
I finish up what I'm working on & go to get her to bed... She's curled up in her towel on my bathroom floor, out cold.
My work here is done.
